This week I found myself in the middle of a completely unexpected conversation. I have the propensity to frequently walk straight into interactions without even glancing for oncoming traffic. Can anyone else identify with me? Everything is just fine and then suddenly, you’re looking around like a Talking Heads song and thinking, “How did I get here?” That was me. One minute it was small talk and then I was asked an
intensely personal question. The problem for me is that I struggle to give shallow answers. For me, small talk is torture. If someone asks me something, I answer as frankly as possible. It’s one of those innate traits God has placed in my heart and try as I may, I can’t find a way to get rid of it. We all know Psalm 139:13.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”
I love that verse when talking about babies that have been prayed for and pregnancies that were struggles, but it makes me squirm when I think about it in regard to my own self. You see, I’ve struggled in the past with the gifts God put in my heart when He was stitching it closed. They are sewn up tight in my very soul and I’ve longed to loosen the thread and pull them out, but I just can’t seem to figure out how. I am, by nature, three things.
1. I am transparent.
2. I have a servant’s heart.
And…
3. I Am trusting to a fault.
That last one…It’s a doozie. And it has really brought hurt in my life in the past. It’s rendered me a bit wary. And in all this, one question has come to mind over the years:
What do we do when our God given gifts end up getting us hurt?
We have all had it happen. You do something meant for good and end up getting bad in return. It’s not a fun feeling, and it comes in many forms. If you are a giver and someone selfishly takes, what do you do? If you bear burdens for others but feel abandoned, how do you reconcile that? If you are a good friend and are betrayed, how do you recover? If you blindly trust and are made a fool, what do you make of the experience? It makes you question if you should be so vulnerable again and risk the pain. The answer is Absolutely. Here’s a few things I think are important to remember:
- Realize It Wasn’t the Gift that Hurt You: All the gifts that God has put in us are beautiful and precious. We can’t blame them or ourselves for the betrayal. We live in a fallen world, and we must learn to thrive in it. Turning on the inner most parts of our spirit isn’t the answer. Every good gift is from God, and they are meant to be embraced.
- Pray for Discernment:This one is easy. If you’ve been hurt by your sincere, godly actions, pray for God to give you wisdom. Wisdom is needed to see when and where to use the talents you’ve been entrusted with. It’s not always easy, but it can be easier when we ask for divine guidance.
- Learn From Your Mistakes: He gave us a memory for a reason. If we don’t learn from past experiences, we will be certain to repeat them.
- Keep Doing What God has Put in Your Heart: Regardless of your trepidation, keep moving forward. Never stop pursuing what your heart longs to do. If you stop, you will only hurt yourself. Whatever the fears may be, push through them. Ultimately, that will bring you the most joy and God will bless your obedience.
- And If You See Your Gift in Someone You Love….Rejoice! Ugh. This is THE HARDEST one for me. My daughter has the sweetest heart I’ve ever seen. She trusts more sincerely than even I do, and her servant’s heart is always looking to help. Last week, I watched her spend her time at a birthday party making sandwiches for the band. I wasn’t filled with pride. I winced because it was something I would do. I struggled with not wanting her to be like me for fear someone will take advantage of her precious heart. But instead of wanting to change her, I am dutifully bound to guide her. If she is going to be a trusting person with a servant’s heart, I will teach her to pray before acting and trust with discernment. I will teach her to use her gifts the way God desires. Most of all, I will (above all else) trust in the one who has created her and know He has her path and is carrying her along.It’s hard. None of this is easy 100% of the time. To be in constant conflict of myself isn’t the most fun, but I am working towards the goal. I learned a long time ago to never let fear change my heart. I can only learn, grown and trust in the one who has given me a big heart. And trust Him with the gifts He has placed within my heart.
