This past week, I have really struggled between choosing to listen to God or to let Satan affirm all my insecurities. I wish I could tell you that it was an easy choice. I wish I could tell you that I made the right choice every time . But I can’t.
God gave me an incredible opportunity to video my testimony for CHOICES. It was a very fun day and I was so excited as it came to a close, maybe others that I will never meet will get to hear and be encouraged by the power of God through my journey. Maybe my pain will help encourage someone else in their’s? This was all great until I got the teaser clip. It was a short 30 second clip just to make sure the videographer and I were on the same page. When I saw myself, and heard my voice, I no longer heard the words. Actually tears came to my eyes and I wished so hard that someone else could just tell my story on the camera. I critiqued everything about myself. My hair, my weight, my posture, my makeup my intro words were silly…. I didn’t know how much could be criticized in a 30 second clip, but if it could, I did. I held back tears and wondered why I had done this.
My 10 year old daughter was watching it with me and she looked at me and said Mom, it’s not about you. You are telling them about God. I told her I knew and I apologized for reacting that way. I said, ” I’m sorry, I’m harder on myself than anyone else and I shouldn’t be”
She stopped me and laughed and said, “no, your harder on your kids than anyone else, you speak hard truths to us all the time, so I’m just going to speak to you what you tell me” She praised me just like I do her and she reprimanded me like I do her. She called me to make a choice just like I do her. She refocused me and made me choose God’s voice this time instead of Satan’s.
So regardless of my insecurities, inadequacies, and short comings, I desperately want to be used by God, and she is right, it’s not about me, it never was. I’m so thankful that God allowed her to speak truth to me.
How are your insecurities, inadequacies and short comings pushing to define your life? What area do you need to lay before God and choose to hear His voice alone?