When my children were younger our home was filled with giggles and the sound of tiny feet pity patting across the hardwood floor. The radio used to blast their favorite songs, and then there was the sound of somewhat annoying syncopated thuds coming from the second floor as they so called danced in their rooms.
Mommy this, Mommy that. Combing hair, picking out outfits, and giving baths was the story of my life. Then slowly the requests for help lessened. The things they needed my help with, they could now do on their own. My kids were growing up, and suddenly the familiarity of my life was no more. I had poured all of myself into these little humans and now, deafening silence.
To say I was lonely was an understatement. As annoying as it was at times to hear them bellowing out “Mommy!” I sure missed being needed. I thought I would look forward to when they could do things for themselves, but the stark reality was that I had told myself a lie. The superficial relationships weren’t cutting it now. There were no girlfriends to call, no girl’s nights out to attend: nothing to do on a Friday night but watch my favorite show “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” and these four walls. I had found myself in a season of loneliness.
“ Even if my father and mother abandon me the Lord will hold me close.” Psalm 27:10
How could this be? I was popular in school, had friends in college. Psalm 68:6 tells me that God sets the lonely in families; so then how did I get to a place where I wake up, do my daily routine, and then pray for night time to come so I could go back to sleep again. Because to be honest, that was the only time I didn’t feel lonely.
One day I began to cry out to God to help me with this season of my life. To help me see beyond having no social activities to look forward to. Could it be that He wanted me to draw closer to Him? Could it be that he wanted me to be less distracted? Could it be that He knew I wouldn’t be able to hear His voice over the laughter of my friends? Was the solitude to force me to turn towards Him and only Him for acceptance and approval?
Looking back at those three hard, lonely years, I would say yes to all of the above. I know I wouldn’t have the relationship I have with the Lord now, if I hadn’t been lonely. Thirsty for affection. Longing for community. Isolated.
But since I have immersed myself in my Father’s word and cultivated my spiritual relationship with Him, he has given me a new song! New, godly relationships have blossomed, and doors have opened that I wouldn’t have been ready to walk through without “alone time” with the Lord. Back then, when I was checking to see if my phone still worked because it wasn’t ringing (at all). I would not have known what the Lord had for me on the other side of my season of loneliness. I see now that my loneliness was actually a gift.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”, says the Lord.
Written by: Angela Scott